Common Reactions | Reasons to Report | Survivor Help

Immediate Help

This is not your fault. It is always the fault of the offender.

What to do if you have been assaulted:

707-545-RAPE

Remember: Sexual Assault is NOT your fault

You have a right to:

Make sure you understand any forms you are asked to sign. Ask about any necessary follow-up care and testing.

Please consider:

UASA’s advocacy services are free to victims.  Counseling is available on a sliding scale. Please call 707-545-7270 for details.

Reasons to report the assault to the police:

Common Reactions to Sexual Assault:

As a survivor of sexual assault you may find yourself having some of the following feelings:

All of these feelings are normal. UASA’s crisis line counselors are available 24/7 to help you overcome the
devastating effects of sexual violence.

You are not alone, UASA is only a phone call away. 707-545-7273.

Try to remember:

You are not at fault for what happened. You did not deserve it. You are alive, you have survived, and now is the time to begin the process of recovery. Reaching out and accepting support is part of the healing process. Call UASA for help.

Have you experienced sexual assault at some time?

For anyone who has, the journey to recovery can be difficult. Get Help: The first step is the hardest. UASA will be right by your side.

Sexual violence includes but is not limited to rape, incest, inappropriate touching, sexual harassment, child molestation, marital rape, exposure and voyeurism.

If you have just been assaulted, you are probably in crisis, and need to know what your choices are.

Sexual violence is very traumatic. Remember, you are not alone.

Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault. It does not matter what you did, wore, or said. The emotional effects of rape do not always appear immediately. It is never too late to get help.

Help for Survivors

Getting back to normal can take a long time and you may be wondering if there is anyone who can help. Many survivors have found it helpful to talk to rape crisis counselors. Call the 24/7 Crisis Line at 707-545-7273 or call during office hours 707-545-7270 to set up an appointment with a counselor at our Santa Rosa office. You may also call the 24-hour National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, at 1-800-656-HOPE. By calling this number you will be automatically connected to your closest rape crisis center. Rape crisis centers are on call 24-hours a day waiting to help you.

UASA provides a safe place to meet with other survivors. There are support groups available in both English and Spanish for survivors of sexual assault and a group for family and friends of survivors. (See Support Groups.) UASA also offers 8 and 16 week workshops for women survivors which can facilitate healing.

Male Survivors of Sexual Assault

Our society’s prevalent images of men claim that men are always strong, invulnerable, stoic, and in control. Despite these stereotypes, men of all ages, sizes, strengths, looks, personalities and sexual orientations are victims of sexual assault. Males are sexually assaulted both as adults and as children.

Many people wonder why men are assaulted at lower rates than women. Sexual assault usually results from the perpetrator’s attempt to feel more powerful, thus the individuals society perceives as having less power are often at greater risk for sexual assault. This is one reason why males are less often sexually assaulted than females, and why male children are at a greater risk of sexual assault than are adult males. On an individual emotional level males are as profoundly affected by sexual assault as females. As a result of the assault, male survivors frequently experience emotions such as:

It is not unusual for a sexual assault to leave a male survivor questioning his masculinity. This, among other reasons, is why men are less likely to report a sexual assault. The fact that men are more frequently assaulted by other men, may cause a male survivor to question his sexual orientation.

These reactions are common because our society perpetuates the myth that sexual assault is about sexual attraction not domination and power. This same myth often inhibits survivors from seeking help in the aftermath of the assault. All survivors, male or female, are entitled to receive empathetic, non-judgmental support and information after an assault. And, regardless of gender, the assault is never the survivor’s fault.

24/7 Crisis Line: 707-545-7273

Family Help

1 in 3 girls and women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. 1 in 6 boys and men are sexually assaulted by the age of 16.

Sexual assault affects everyone — directly or through the experiences of those we care about. If someone you care about has been sexually assaulted, you can help.

When it happens, survivors may be uncertain of where to turn for help. They hesitate. Should they call the police? Go to the emergency room? Where can they get support in making these decisions?

24/7 Crisis Line: 707-545-7273

Let them know there is a place that gives information and connects survivors with support. Encourage your friends to play a part in making our society free from sexual violence.

When It is Someone You Know

When someone you know or care about has been assaulted, it is normal for you to feel upset and confused. At a time when you may want to help most, you will be dealing with a crisis of your own.

You may find it difficult to listen when s/he needs to talk about his or her feelings. You may hope that by not talking about it, the feelings both of you have will go away.

You may be tempted to make decisions for the survivor, to be over-protective. You may want to hide the assault from others. You may feel disturbed or confused when the survivor continues to be affected for weeks, months, and even years.

Some partners may want more physical intimacy sooner than the survivor does. Others may feel resistant.

Maybe you feel guilty and responsible, believing you could somehow prevent the assault. You may also feel anger at the survivor or at everyone in general.

All of these feelings are understandable following the sexual assault of someone you love. Please know that if these feelings are hidden or expressed in hurtful ways, they can interfere with the resolution of your crisis and that of the survivor.

The survivor may need your support and understanding. You, however, also need support.

Rape is a violent assault, not a sexually-motivated or gratifying act. The rapist’s aim is to dominate, humiliate, control and degrade the victim. Because the same body parts are involved in sexual assault as in making love, many people confuse sex and violence. Some respond to a survivor as if s/he provoked, wanted or enjoyed it.

Many people also believe rape is not traumatic. Not understanding the reality of sexual assault can make the crisis more difficult for both of you. The emotional impact of sexual assault does not disappear, and talking about it can help. Your feelings are normal, and resources are available for you too.

Join UASA’s support group for family or friends of survivors of sexual assault: Healing Allies.

Family members, spouses, and partners

Your help is important to the survivor of sexual assault. It is natural for her or him to feel a tremendous loss of power and control over life. You can emphasize that just surviving is an accomplishment, and whatever s(he) did to survive was the right thing to do. It shows strength.

A survivor may feel anger, guilt, fear, anxiety, shame or depression. You may feel pain, sorrow, disgust — or be impatient with the recovery process. You may blame yourself, or the survivor — or want revenge. Here are a few things you can do to help the survivor:

Deal with your own feelings and don’t let them overshadow those of the survivor. Learn more about sexual assault so you can help in the healing process. Do not hesitate to seek help from trained professionals in dealing with your feelings.

If my partner has been assaulted, how do I deal with our sexual relationship?

If your partner wants to refrain from sexual activity, it is essential that you honor those wishes.
Otherwise (s)he may feel rushed or frightened by your desire to be sexual.

Try to talk openly and gently about this with your partner. It is vital to communicate. Let your partner’s
needs guide your actions.

Your partner’s attitude about sexuality may affect you. Consider seeing a counselor to talk about your feelings. Remember, most survivors recover from the trauma and lead healthy, loving lives.

Join Healing Allies, UASA’s support group for family and friends of sexual assault survivors.

Sexual assault is a very serious and personal trauma that should always be treated with sensitivity and respect for a survivor’s privacy. But there is a role we all can play in supporting survivors and programs that serve them. Through individual commitments by concerned citizens and the mobilization of communities around the issue of sexual assault, the road to recovery and healing is paved.

Sexual assault affects us all. It compromises the health, safety and welfare of our families and neighborhoods. It directly burdens financial resources for healthcare, law enforcement and criminal justice.
It takes many people and varied approaches to make a difference. We hope you will join us in creating a society free from sexual violence.

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